7 Habits


Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” (President John F. Kennedy) This quote pretty much sums up what Sharpen the Saw, Habit 7 is all about! According to Sean Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Habit 7 is about keeping our personal selves sharp in order to deal better with life. It means regularly renewing ourselves in all dimensions of life – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

We renew ourselves physically by regularly exercising, eating healthy foods, sleeping adequately, and by resting and relaxing when needed. We can sharpen our saws mentally by reading, writing, and being life-long learners. In the emotional and spiritual dimensions of our lives, we can build healthy relationships with others, participate in service to others, laugh often, meditate, and maybe even keep a journal. All these activities will keep us sharp – that is, if we keep in mind that we need to participate in these activities regularly, not just when we are worn out and burned out! In other words: repair that roof when the sun is shining, not when it’s raining!

Our children are about to begin a time of renewal with the onset of summer. Let’s encourage them to keep the saw sharp during the 11 weeks they are off for this break. Of course, taking it easy and living at a somewhat slower pace will be renewing, but we also need to focus on staying engaged in fun learning activities as well. Hiking, biking, swimming…reading, traveling…getting involved in a service project…organizing a closet or dresser…limiting time in front of TV/video games: these are a few saw-sharpening activities to consider.

Below is a link to the Pelham Public Library which explains their free Summer Reading Program. This is an awesome program that will keep your child involved in reading all summer long. One of the concerns educators often see after summer break is that many students’ reading level actually declines over the weeks of summer. If your child doesn’t make reading a habit, it’s very possible that this will occur. Make it a goal for your child’s reading level to increase from May to August! To help accomplish this goal, please consider getting your child involved at the public library.

The Reading Program Kick-off is Tuesday, June 7 th from 1-3 PM at the Pelham Civic Complex Ice Arena – come enjoy Free Ice Skating! Click below for more information about the Pelham Public Library Summer Reading Program.

http://www.pelhamlibrary.com/Default.asp?ID=279&pg=Children

Have fun and enjoy “Sharpening the Saw” this summer!

Janey Patty, Counselor

Habit6: Synergize

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” – Aristotle With Habit 6, we learn that synergy is achieved when people work together to create a better solution to a challenge than any one person could create alone. To achieve synergy, we must have a Win-Win attitude when working with others. According to Sean Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, it is important to know what synergy is and what it is not:

Synergy is: celebrating differences, teamwork, open-mindedness, and finding new and better ways. Synergy is not: tolerating differences, working independently, thinking you’re always right, or compromise (p.183).

Celebrating diversity is a huge part of being able to synergize. It is important to recognize that we are all different in so many ways - the way we learn, how we see the world, our strengths and weaknesses, our level of creativity, our talents, and our abilities. The world would be such a boring place if we were all the same, right? When we synergize, we are able to utilize others strengths and our own strengths to create a better way. This is not the same as compromising at all…it is truly finding a better solution.

Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy-- the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.  When someone disagrees with you, you can say, "Good! You see it differently."  You don't have to agree with them; you can simply affirm them. And you seek to understand. When you see only two alternatives-- yours and the "wrong" one--you can look for a synergistic third alternative. There's almost always a third alternative, and if you work with a Win/Win philosophy and really seek to understand, you usually can find a solution that will be better for everyone concerned. (2004) Stephen R. Covey.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey presents an action plan to reach synergy. This action plan starts with defining the problem, challenge, or opportunity. After that we should seek first to understand by listening to what others want or think before we seek to be understood by sharing our own thoughts. Next in his action plan comes brainstorming for possible solutions in order to find the better way (p. 195).

As always, please visit the website for more on the 7 Habits:

http://www.theleaderinme.org/

Happy spring!

Ms. Patty


Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey begins the Habit 5 chapter with these words, “You have two ears and one mouth…Hello!” His point is, of course, that we can improve our relationships if we choose to listen more than we talk! With this habit, we learn that it is the deepest need of the human heart to be understood, to be respected, to be valued. Sean Covey emphasizes that we can show that we care for someone simply by taking the time to truly listen without interrupting, judging or offering unsolicited advice.

Sometimes a loved-one will be able to solve a personal problem by just having someone available to listen to them. Being understood helps the person feel accepted and safe, which may allow him to process the problem more effectively. Active listening is the key to the first part of Habit 5.

The second part of this habit stresses that after listening, we should speak in a manner that will encourage the other person to understand what we mean without causing that person to become offended. Sean Covey suggests that we consider the following before giving feedback to someone to whom we’ve been listening: Will this comment really help the person or am I saying it for my own reasons or to try to ‘fix’ him or her? He also says to give feedback in the first person. For example, say,

“I’m concerned that you have a temper problem,” or “I feel that you’ve been acting selfish lately,” rather than “You have a temper problem!” or “You’ve been acting selfish lately!” Offering feedback while using ‘I-messages’ is less threatening and confrontational. This can help keep the other person from becoming defensive and possibly ending the conversation entirely.

As parents of soon-to-be teens, learning more about Habit 5 can aid us as we strive to keep the lines of communication open through critical times in the lives of our growing children. I’ve only been able to ‘scratch the surface’ of this habit here. A great resource for going deeper is Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I’ve learned so much from reading his son, Sean’s, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens as well. Check them both out and see what you think!

Please go to the website to learn more about Habit 5.

http://www.theleaderinme.org/

Janey Patty
VIS Counselor, Grades 4 & 5

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

The first three habits are referred to as the Private Victory: those habits help us learn to be proactive, independent, responsible people with goals and plans. Habits 4, 5, and 6 constitute what’s called the Public Victory: these habits help us develop strong, positive, and effective relationships with others.

Habit 4, Think Win-Win, is the first of the Public Victory habits. According to Sean Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, this is an attitude toward life that basically expresses the belief that I can win, but so can you.

Many people go through life with other beliefs regarding “winning” which are less effective than “Win-Win.” If I had a “Win-Lose” attitude, for instance, I would believe that in order for me to win, you have to lose! “Win-Lose” is a competitive approach toward life. Yes, sometimes competition can be fun and motivating, but it’s not very productive as a life principle. In the end, those with this belief system may get to the top, but they are often up there all alone!

The person with a “Lose-Win” life focus (You succeed, but I don’t) are often see themselves as peacemakers, which can be a good thing, right? But if this is your primary way to approach life, you could be setting yourself up to be a doormat. This attitude is actually somewhat of a cop-out. It’s easy to give in – easy to be the “nice guy.” If your child lives by “Lose-Win” he’ll be much more likely to cave to peer-pressure. Think about the possible consequences of that for your child’s future!

Another ineffective belief I’d like to discuss is “Lose-Lose.” This is described by Sean Covey as a “downward spiral.” “Lose-Lose” basically conveys this attitude: “If I’m going down, then you’re going down with me.” “Lose-lose” thinking usually occurs when two “Win-Lose” people confront each other. Each person wants to “Win” at all costs…which means both will end up losing.

A “Win-Win” person has a belief that everyone can win. I want to win, naturally, but I believe that it’s good for you to win as well. I care about myself, but I care about you too! People who strive to find “Win-Win” solutions to conflicts are less competitive and don’t compare themselves to others. These people have also mastered the Private Victory of Habits 1, 2, and 3. They are confident, not threatened by others’ success, and do not mind sharing praise. Those who have not mastered the Private Victory are often insecure and become jealous of others very easily.

Visit the Leader in Me website for more 7 Habits parenting information!

http://www.theleaderinme.org/

Happy New Year!
Janey Patty, Counselor

Habit 3: Put First Things First

According to Sean Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens:

The first three habits build upon each other. Habit 1 says, “You are the driver, not the passenger.” Habit 2 says, “Decide where you want to go and draw up a map to get you there.” Habit 3 says, “Get there! Don’t let roadblocks knock you off course.”

The important concept for Habit 3 is that we must prioritize our daily/weekly activities in order to accomplish our goals. We often get caught up in unimportant/urgent activities, which may add stress to our day, and then we wonder why we didn’t get our To Do list completed. Some of these unimportant but seemingly urgent activities could include allowing others to interrupt us and get us off course. I’ve seen a very funny plaque recently that states, “Please let me drop everything and work on your problem!” Even though this is funny, don’t we all do it? We allow others to dictate our agendas too often. Of course, sometimes this happens…especially if it’s our boss telling us to do something or if an emergency arises. These situations, however, would be classified as important/urgent activities. They happen, and yes, they may too cause stress!

Sometimes, we get caught spending time on unimportant/not urgent activities. Time wasters!

If we’ve spent our day working on someone else’s minor problems, all we may want to do when we get home in the evening is sit in front of the TV or play computer/video games. Where we might prefer to spend our time would be on activities that are important/not urgent. This is a less stressful place to be, with the added benefit of actually getting our own To Do list completed. If we plan and prioritize, we are less likely to allow  unimportant/urgent interruptions to highjack our day!

As parents, we need to model Habit 3 for our children in order for them to understand how important it is. Children need to know that school is their JOB and it needs to take some priority in their lives, right? Children need to know that we as parents place great value on education. We should make sure we encourage our children to put first things first….get the homework and studying done before sharpening the saw and relaxing! R & R time needs to be earned after having gotten a “job well done” and a satisfying sense of accomplishment for the day!

Please visit the Leader in Me website for more 7 Habits parenting information!

http://www.theleaderinme.org/

Next time we’ll start looking at the Public Victory with Habits 4, 5, & 6.

Janey Patty, Counselor

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

As Sean Covey shares in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind could be subtitled Control Your Own Destiny – OR SOMEONE ELSE WILL. He adds, “Habit 1 says you are the driver of your life, not the passenger. Habit 2 says, since you’re the driver, decide where you want to go and draw up a map to get there.”

Check out this quote from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll:

“Would you tell me please which way I ought to walk from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where –“said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way to walk,” said the Cat.

Truly, if you don’t much care where you’re going, then it doesn’t much matter how you get there! Habit 2 means having a clear picture of where you want to go in life. It means deciding what you value and pursuing it.

The analogy often used to describe Habit 2 is that you would never build a house without a blueprint, so why would you try to build a life without a plan? The first step to truly beginning with the end in mind is to write a personal mission statement. This is best accomplished by taking some time alone to think about what is important to you - what do you value in life? A personal mission statement can be short or long - a paragraph, a poem or a few simple bullet points. I wrote my first mission statement about 18 years ago. It filled up half a page. I re-wrote it about 3 years ago, and it is now 6 words. I have the same basic values now as I did in the late 1990’s, but when VIS went through the Leader in Me training in June, 2012, I decided to make my mission statement something I could easily remember. This helps me keep it in the forefront of my mind much better. If you would like some direction in building your own personal mission statement and possibly beginning a discussion about a family mission statement, you can go to http://msb.franklincovey.com/ to access Franklin Covey’s Mission Statement Builder. Good luck putting Habit 2 to work for you!

Janey Patty, Counselor

Habit 1: Be Proactive

As you know, Valley Intermediate is a Leader in Me School. Through the Leader in Me Program, the faculty, staff, and students learn about Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. We incorporate these principles school-wide in many ways throughout each day. The 7 Habits are:

1. Be Proactive

2. Begin with the End in Mind

3. Put First Things First

4. Think Win-Win

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

6. Synergize

7. Sharpen the Saw

As a mother myself, I would like to share briefly what it means to me to be a proactive parent. I believe that proactive parents allow their children to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from these

mistakes – even when it’s really difficult to do so! For example, if your child forgets to bring home a study guide for a test scheduled the next day, you would tell her that you are sorry she forgot, and then let her figure out how to solve this problem herself. That’s hard, right? I know…I’ve been there! But if you allow her to figure this out for herself – even if it means making a less than stellar grade on that test, she will learn the importance of being responsible!

Proactive parents work with the educators in their children’s lives to help their children learn to take responsibility for themselves. Proactive parents want to work as a team with the teacher and their child. They realize that their child is not perfect. They certainly know that the teacher is not perfect as well. Proactive parents realize that their child is learning how to become a responsible citizen who will one day be capable of supporting himself as a successful contributing member of society.

Proactive parents take pride in the accomplishments of their children and celebrate their successes with them. Proactive parents allow their children to soar and to become more independent every day!

Below is an excerpt from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, by Sean Covey (Stephen Covey’s son) which I think can sum up characteristics of a proactive parent:

Proactive people are a different breed. Proactive people:

  • Are not easily offended
  • Take responsibility for their choices
  • Think before they act
  • Bounce back when something bad happens
  • Always find a way to make it happen
  • Focus on things they can do something about, and don’t worry about things they can’t

Janey Patty, Counselor